pensamientos, thus far

Managua: a crazy, third world ciity with lots of people honking, yelling, sweating, and pushing on the buses. Yes, this is true.

As of late, we have been in an intensive spanish course from 8-3 and i cant complain because 10 days is getting me 3 hours of 3000 level credit for my major. i am excited and ready to begin actual class, get on a schedule, and pour myself into writing and house of hope stuff. it has been grand so far but definitely an adjustment. its an underdeveloped country down here, pretty nuts. there are two other gals in my program, madison and stephanie. they are cool and super sweet, and i am praying God will give me heart connections. its been hard i wont lie, but i have been doing lots of reading, writing, praying, walking, and thinking down here. God is teaching me a lot, and I do feel like He is preparing me for my future, whatever that may entail. but i go to bed with dirty feet and depend on reusable water bottles and sleep with no covers and enjoy cold showers and eat ice cream off the street to satisfy my sweet tooth. an email is a connection that makes me heart happy, truly. and this i have realized: how blessed i am with the people in my life. truly, it is amazing and so rare and i am thankful. so thank you. all.

this morning, i woke up, sat down to breakfast with mi papa nica and realized i was looking at an aguacate tree. yes, a real life tree with big, dangling, green avocados hanging right over mi cuarto, any gals dream. pretty spectacular. i am learning to appreciate the small things in my life. truly. God is good, full of love for every single person that says YES to him. but we must say yes. i must say yes in every single moment of my day, every thought, challenge, joy, meal. yes Lord. Yes. because when i dont say yes, i forfeit grace. i am unable to trust and believe and receive fully.

House of Hope: The girls in the home are so hurt and their stories are so dark, but none the less, i must choose to believe that there is hope for them, a future and a blessing to prosper them and not to harm them, to use them to achieve a divine purpose in this world. i have to CHOOSE to believe this truth because at times, the world runs contrary to that reality. but God is not about the things seen. He dwells in the unseen. i choose to believe He is healing each of them, one by one, heart by heart for if i dont, i will fall into despair. i think i have been more convinced of Gods existence and presence after seeing the need and the darkness down here than in the places that are full of goodness. sorry it sounds awful. but i am being honest. it is very strange. for if darkness and evil exist, how much more so does the light? it blows my mind. the hurt opens the door for healing.

but lately, i am finding that i must fully commit myself to trust. i must live in the present. i must love what i love and take joy in the small things like cereal with sugar and coffee and avocado trees and the hummingbirds i spy outside my window. for now, i am taking it one day at a time. its crazy to think i will be here for 5 months. but again, i am here for a purpose and a design and i dont have to understand it fully. To all of us-- we are brave, we are surrounded on sides yet living in courage, we are strong in His holy might, we are deer on the heights people. a common misconception is that believers use God to cope with their lives, and that is what makes Him real to them. I completely disagree.for lack of a better word, that argument is absolute horse raddish. God is not a coping mechanism. Living a life that is committed to the Big man is far braver than not. a coward shrinks away. but we can no longer be cowards once we committ fully, we must be bold as lions, we must swim through the unknown, placing our confidence in His character: of steadfastness, love, peace, joy, goodness. He is good, he leads us to good places, a Shepherd of our Souls. if i dont believe that, i will sink. so, lets be brave. lets be content with uncertainty. lets choose to trust. together.

one last thought: these people are so different than us. an entire different culture, economic system, mindset, worldview, ideas of right and wrong, mentality, family style, food, art, music, language, the list goes on you get the point...what is the one thing connecting us?

LOVE. our humanity and His divinity. truly.

i apologize for no punctuation, spelling, grammar, or capitalization. yes, i am an english major believe it or not. its annoying the hail out of me but this program is all in spanish so it is impossible to spell check bahaha.

peace love and gallo pinto,

mpf